Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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