Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize