I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
