it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
