But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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