why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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