I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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