I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize