yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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