The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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