she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
