I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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