Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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