When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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