U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
