I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
