There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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