careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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