she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
