Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
