are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
