My liver just broke up with me...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
