Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
