So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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