I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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