Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
