I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
