ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
