Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
