I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
