So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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