Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
