So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
