So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
