T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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