Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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