There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She said her name was "party"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
