I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
