Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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