I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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