i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
