Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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