ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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