I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
