If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
