I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
