Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
