I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
