the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize