I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
