The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
