the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
that may or may not have been my penis.
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