If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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