I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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