he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
