my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
