remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
