Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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