The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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