Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
