i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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