I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
