i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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