My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
